


Can you make me leave my demons and my broken pieces behind?

by The_Girl_Who_Watched_TV



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: M/M, internalised biphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22654180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Girl_Who_Watched_TV/pseuds/The_Girl_Who_Watched_TV
Summary: Adam is struggling with his sexuality.This takes place the day after he asked Eric to hold his hand.
Relationships: Eric Effiong/Adam Groff
Comments: 8
Kudos: 88





	Can you make me leave my demons and my broken pieces behind?

Adam stared at the phone as it rang. His sister. He hadn’t spoken to her in ages and she just happened to call the day after he declared in front of the whole school, parents and his own dad. That he wanted to hold another boy's hand. It couldn’t be a coincidence. He closed his eyes as the phone went silent. He laid back against his pillows and stared at the ceiling. Asking Eric to hold his hand in front of everyone had been a spur of the moment thing, he didn’t regret asking him. But when the initial happy feelings had settled, thoughts began to whirl around his head. What would his dad say? He was already a disappointment to him, surely this was another tick in the disappointment box. He hadn’t told his mum yet, he thought that his dad might beat him to it. But if he had, she hadn’t brought it up. Maybe she too was disappointed and thought it was best to ignore. His eyes began to fill with tears and he blinked furiously. Maybe he had made a mistake. He could have kept his mouth shut. Ignored that part of him that said that he found men attractive. Maybe it was all his imagination, maybe Eric had confused him. Yes that was it. He wasn’t actually attracted to guys, why would he choose a guy when there were plenty of girls out there? He clenched his fists. This was so stupid, he liked Eric. He liked talking to him, liked holding his hand and he liked kissing him. He’d told Ola that he is bisexual. And he is. He is… But… What if he’s pretending. What if he’s told himself that he likes Eric just because they’ve kissed a couple of times. Lots of people experiment. He threw a pillow at his door in anger. 

* * *

“This is so stupid!” He picked up his phone and marched out the door.

“I’m going out.” He shouted to his mum, he slammed the door behind him before he could hear her reply. He had walked for about five minutes when his phone rang again. Once again it was his sister. He reluctantly answered.

“What do you want?” His anger could still be heard in his voice.

“Is that how you treat the best sister you have?” She didn’t sound fazed by his anger, she sounded amused.

“You’re my only sister.” He grumbled, kicking a stone in front of him. They were silent for a moment.

“So, dad called...” Adam stopped in his tracks.

“What… What did he want?” He asked softly. Dreading the answer. 

“He told me what you did at the school play.” Adam felt his heart beat faster as he waited for her to continue.

“He told me how you had made a fool of him. How ashamed he was.” Adam felt his eyes well up again. This time he didn’t try to stop them. 

“And then I told him to piss off.” Adam’s breath hitched in his throat. 

“What?” He couldn’t believe it. 

“I told him to piss off. Do you really think I would let him talk about you like that?” She sounded slightly hurt. But Adam didn’t believe her. She’d always been his dad’s favourite, and she had used it.

“Why would you do that?” His voice sounded strained.

“You’re my brother. And I love you.” Adam let out a sob. He felt ridiculous but he couldn’t help it. All of his emotions were spilling over.

“Adam, are you okay?” She stayed quiet, listening to Adam trying to calm his breathing. She spoke softly when she heard that he’d calmed down. 

“Adam… Are you gay?” 

“No...” He said barely above a whisper. 

“Then why...” 

“I’m bisexual.” He clenched his fist as he said it. His stomach turned into knots. 

“Oh, okay.” They fell into silence again. 

“Are you happy? I don’t mean the whole dad situation. But with the guy? Are you happy?” Adam smiled a little, thinking about how he’d felt when Eric had taken his hand. 

“Yes, I am.” His sister hummed in approval. 

“So, who is he?” Adam wiped away his tears.

“It’s Eric.” 

“Eric? Do I know him?” 

“He plays the french horn, dresses in a very… extra way.”

“Tromboner?!” She gasped. Adam cringed, he didn’t know how he’d make it up for starting that. 

“Yes, but don’t call him that. It’s Eric.” He frowned when he heard her laugh on the other end. 

“Wow, you really like him. Don’t you.” He smiled wider now. 

“I do.” They spoke for several minutes before she had to run off to class.

“See you soon, okay. And bring Eric.” 

“Bye.” He didn’t want to make a promise like that. He doesn’t even know what they are. He turned around and began to walk towards Eric’s house.

* * *

“Adam, what are you doing here?” Eric looked surprised when he opened the door. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here.

“I’ll go.” He turned around but was stopped when he felt a hand in his. 

“No, sorry. I’m happy you’re here. Come in. My family is out.” Eric led him up to his room and they sat down on the bed, still holding hands. Adam looked at the floor, he wanted to talk but he didn’t know where to start. He wanted to talk about his doubts, his fears, his sexuality. But how could he bring up his insecurities about his bisexuality? He didn’t want to risk it, what if Eric didn’t want him then. His thoughts were conflicting. On the one hand he knew he wanted to be with Eric and on the other was a voice telling him he was faking it. He was startled out of his thoughts by Eric exclaiming:

“I have something to show you.” Eric let go of his hand and he felt cold as he watched Eric pull out several bits of porcelain. He looked down at the pieces, confused. 

“Um...” Eric looked down at the pieces too, and seemed to regret getting them out. 

“Oh, yeah. No, it’s stupid. It’s uh, from our late night walks. They are pieces from the things we smashed. Forget it.” He was about to put them back in the drawer when Adam took one of the pieces from him. 

“I, uh… Wanted something to remember our walks, I guess.” Eric looked embarrassed. Adam looked up at him. Just as Eric was about to say something, Adam blurted out. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Eric raised his eyebrows in surprise and started laughing. 

“Of course I will. I thought we already were. I mean, you’ve even met my mum.” Adam chuckled nervously. Eric leaned forward and kissed him softly.

“We have a lot to talk about, but I want to be with you.” He put the shards back in the drawer and took Adam’s hand in his. 

“I know. I… I have some things I need to talk about too.” Adam looked down at their hands. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Eric pulled Adam closer. 

“I don’t want to talk about it now... Is that okay?” He smiled softly and nodded. 

“Thank you.” They settled against the pillows and held hands in silence. Adam smiled when Eric put his head on his shoulder. This is what he wants, the voice of doubt was still there. But it’s quiet for now.

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to get this little thing out of my head. I've struggled with internalised biphobia myself and I can imagine that it's something that Adam might do as well. So this is based on my own experience with it. The fact that you can know that you are bisexual but still feel like you're faking it and then ten minutes later you'll shake your head and feel stupid for even thinking like that.


End file.
